My gift to you, whether you’ve been naughty or nice, is a list of ten Christmas films that provide a chunk of festive cheer and maybe a bit more bite than most.
I find the majority of Christmas movies to be unbearable. The genre is inherently mawkish, and too sickly sweet for my taste. Even the classics lay it on a bit thick for a curmudgeonly misanthrope like me. As such, here is an #Essentialist of some of my least hated films set in the festive season. There are some great titles you may not have seen and some absolute classics, there may also be a few more sharpened teeth on show than you would find from the likes of Miracle on 34th Street…
Gremlins (1984)
Billy Peltzer’s dad is a travelling salesman who likes to bring back exotic presents for his son. However, none are quite as exciting as when Billy is gifted the Mogwai creature Gizmo as a pet. The cute, furry little animal came with three rules only; don’t expose it to light or water, and never feed it after midnight. We soon find out why as Gizmo, after being splashed with water, spawns a clutch of siblings. The horror comedically kicks in when the creatures trick Billy into feeding them after midnight and they metamorphose into killer versions of themselves, Gremlins, and attack the town. A particularly scary scene is when one of the creatures terrorises Billy’s mum in their home. “Do you see what I see?”
Die Hard (1988)
Whatever the rolling annual debate about it settles on, for me, Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Few films feel as festive as when Bruce Willis’s John McClane works his way through a skyscraper’s worth of bad guys. What more is there to say about Die Hard? Yippee-ki-yay motherf…estive people.
The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
No Christmas film list would be complete without The Nightmare Before Christmas. Directed by Henry Selick (although often misappropriated to Tim Burton, who wrote the initial concept and developed then produced the film with Selick) . This animated musical is written and scored by Danny Elfman, and the end result is a delightfully dark, twisted festive feast.
The Hudsucker Proxy (1994)
The fifth film produced by the incomparable Coen Brothers, The Hudsucker Proxy follows Tim Robbins’s naive optimist Norville Barnes as he travels to New York in 1958 to make a name for himself, eventually landing a lowly position in the mailroom at Hudsucker Industries. As Norville is joining the firm at its lowest rung, the company’s eponymous owner, Waring Hudsucker is heading in the other direction, exiting a board meeting by jumping through the 44th-floor window. To successfully take over the company, vice-president Sidney J. Mussburger, played with gusto by Paul Newman, needs a fool to run the Hudsucker shares into the ground. Enter Norville waving a sheet of paper with a circle drawn on it. It’s his grand idea, ‘y’know, for kids?’
Trading Places (1983)
The late, great John Landis will forever be remembered for The Blues Brothers and An American Werewolf in London, as well as his string of comedic hits in the eighties, which included Animal House, The Three Amigos and Coming to America. Personally, I found many of his comedies to be a bit cheap and Trading Places may not live up to your memories of it. Or maybe it will. I still love Dan Ackroyd’s descent from grace; the original bad Santa.
Batman Returns (1992)
Tim Burton was on fire in the nineties with each new film, from Edward Scissorhands (a third Christmas setting film from Burton) to Ed Wood and Sleepy Hollow, providing fantastical, nuanced slices of his trademark, gothic style. His sequel to the 1989 smash hit Batman (which had invigorated studio interest in the franchise), although less impressive, had a great cast with Michelle Pfeifer, Christopher Walken and Danny DeVito carrying the lead villain roles. It also did well in the box office and critically but the tone was deemed too dark by Warner Bros. Burton had been pressed into delivering Batman Returns in the first place but I already found many elements of the film a bit childish at the time. The studio’s direction was clearly fixed, and the Joel Schumacher monstrosities were to follow…
How The Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
Jim Carrey is perfect as Dr Seuss’s The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. This adaptation, directed by Ron Howard (Parenthood, A Beautiful Mind, Frost/Nixon) was hugely successful, and deservedly so. Ably supported by Jeffrey Tambor and Bill Irwin amongst others, Carrey’s Grinch is mean, green and larger than life. Essential watching for the kids.
Lethal Weapon (1987)
It was way, way back in 1987 that Danny Glover’s Murtough was first ‘getting too old for this shit’ and Mel Gibson’s Riggs was dealing with a psychotic break by talking crazy at criminals and walking around in the moonlight butt-naked. I think that pretty much covers it, I haven’t seen it in a while but Gibson definitely does his karate stuff on the bad guy in front of a Christmas Tree at the end (although in more recent decades he has ruinously redirected his talking crazy at other groups…)
Scrooged (1988)
This is my all-time favourite Christmas film. Sandwiched between the release of Lethal Weapon’s 1 and 2, Richard Donner directed this brilliant remake of A Christmas Carol. Bill Murray is our modern-day Scrooge, Frank Cross (‘Cross: something you nail someone to’ as it reads above Frank’s office door) and is deliciously mean and unrepentant, at least for most of the film. A formidable cast including Karen Allen, Robert Mitchum, Bobcat Goldthwaite and Carol Kane help Frank learn the error of his ways. Every great ride has to end.
Krampus (2015)
Michael Dougherty’s Krampus is fantastic and frightening. The child actors are brilliant, working seamlessly alongside strong drama and comedy leads Toni Colette, Adam Scott, Allison Tolman and David Koechner. Krampus is a horror film that pulls no punches in terms of scare factor yet fully embraces the spirit of the Christmas movie genre (such as overcoming moral failings and personal sacrifice).
And that’s my list of the least saccharine, most unusual Christmas films I know. See you in the New Year, even if it is just to spread more End of the World Movie gloom!
